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"Cupcake" (Miesha Tate)
Sure, the former Strikeforce champion once known as "Takedown" changed her nickname to something a little more... Betty Crocker. I don't know if it's an obsession with baked pastries or something she did just to switch it up, but it's totally a party foul. Takedown at least held relevance to her fighting style and the way she took home wins in the cage; Cupcake, on the other hand, is not only irrelevant to MMA but seems downright silly, you can't cupcake someone in mixed martial arts. I know most people haven't really taken notice of it at all being that she's fallen from her championship reign, but it's still not nearly as marketable as "Takedown." If she turns it into a full blown gimmick and stuffs cupcakes in her opponents' mouths after a win I'll forgive anything negative I've said.
"Muscle Shark" (Sean Sherk)
So many things about this name are wrong; first of all, you don't need it to fit in with your last name Mr. Sherk. Oh, and did I forget to mention a nickname like "Muscle Shark" sort of comes back to bite you in the ass when you get popped for PED use after a fight. That was probably when Sherk should have changed his nickname, but nonetheless, we were still stuck with the Muscle Shark. This might go down as the most ironic nickname in history for the positive test, though it's not one we have to hear very often anymore.
"The Janitor" (Vladimir Matyushenko)
Why, oh why, Vlad did you pick such an awfully terrible nickname to describe you? Does he come back to the cage after the event is over with a mop and a bucket to clean up the blood or something? I know a janitor generally enters a building when the lights go out, but as of late Vlad gets his lights put out when he comes into the building. The man was a great fighter in his prime, but his nickname has always been so incredibly corny that I want to erase it from the sport as a whole. The Janitor needs to change his nickname, and while he's at it, perhaps clean up his record.
"Big Country" (Roy Nelson)
In the history of obvious nicknames, none has ever been as easily explained as this one. "Big Country" Roy Nelson; sure, he has a tendency to be outspoken, and he loves the spotlight, but that's not why he is called Big Country. The closest thing the UFC has to a pregnant fighter, Nelson has garnered a lot of attention for the sheer size of his belly, and he lets us know he loves it himself. Rubbing his belly every time he wins is actually a bit grotesque, but he is after all "Built Roy Tough." An equally uninventive slogan to match an extremely obnoxious nickname.
"J-Lau" (Joe Lauzon)
I remember in 2001 when the name J-Lo was the coolest thing ever, and Jennifer Lopez began the name abbreviation trend. Now in 2012 we're stuck with a man, who fights in mixed martial arts, using the same technique... oh and name. He's not a platinum selling R&B singer, but he is one hell of a fighter with a very unnecessary nickname. Why not Get Lau or Joe Lau anything but J-Lau. If he ever comes to the ring in the famed J-Lo dress from the MTV VMA's and has P. Diddy at his side I will give him a high five and write a rebuttal for this column.
"Ace" (Rich Franklin)
Ok so he looks like Jim Carrey, kind of, sort of, maybe a teensy little bit. The problem with this is Ace Ventura came out so long ago that the generation of fans watching the sport right now looks at the nickname and thinks of a playing card. The only problem Franklin has is that it's dated, corny, and not entirely accurate. These days he's not looking a whole lot like Mr. Carrey; however he's also not looking like an Ace either. It would have a bit more swagger to it if he named himself Rich "Spankin" Franklin, but that's not going to happen anytime soon... I hope.
"Cyborg" (Cristiane Santos)
The most messed up thing about this nickname is that I wouldn't doubt its truthfulness. She actually looks like a Cyborg, and if you ask my wife, a man. She punches women's faces off, and then prances around the cage like a recently fed ogre seeking more blood. Ok, maybe not so much on that last part, but if she gets arm barred by Ronda Rousey and we see metal, sparks, and gears I'm just going to shout "I TOLD YOU SO!" At the very least the nickname is relatively accurate for her, but that doesn't make it any more appealing.
"The Mexicutioner" (Joey Beltran)
I remember the first time I heard Beltran's nickname I laughed - after all, it seemed kind of funny. Now here I sit thinking "who thought of this? Were they fired or shot?" First of all, he hasn't mexicuted anyone, much less executed ? and wait, is this dude even on the radar anymore? It's a play on his heritage and someone who lops people's heads off, which naturally makes this the classiest nickname on the list. However, that does not remove the lack of creativity behind it.
"Twinkle Toes" (Frank Trigg)
Frank Trigg was once a very good and well respected fighter, now he's a mediocrely respected commentator. This nickname is so incredibly awful that I still to this very day have trouble thinking it and not sparking my gag reflex. Nothing about Frank Trigg makes you think "oh, let's call him TWINKLE TOES!" He doesn't really dance around the cage, I doubt he has any ballet training and his physique screams "I'm going to crush your soul." Why didn't someone just make a trigonometry joke and work with that?
"Fancy Pants" (Lyle Beerbohm)
The first thing I'm going to say about Beerbohm is a positive: he makes it into a gimmick. On the other hand, his "Fancy Pants" are some of the ugliest things I have ever seen inside of an MMA cage, even uglier than Miesha Tate's elbow in the grips of Ronda Rousey. It's cool to have fighters with some sort of a gimmick, just not this one. It's awful, terrible, eye burning and makes Mike Goldberg's commentary seem like it was sent from heaven. Please Lyle, ditch the stupid name and the ugly shorts and become Lyle "Beer Bong" Beerbohm, I'll even buy you the plastic tube.
?Let me know what you think are the worst nicknames and follow me on Twitter @BradMMATorch
Source: http://www.mmatorch.com/artman2/publish/Staff_Editorials_19/article_14381.shtml
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